Masquerade

Let us go to a ball of masks and wigs

Let us go to a ball at separate times

Allow fate to decide:

Should ever see each other again?

Was the way I looked all you pursued?

 

Would you still dance with me and my scarlet red dress?

Would you still dance with me and my devil horns?

My hair was dyed 3 different colors

I wore colored contacts and all kinds of jewels

Will personality make me different from the rest?

 

As you strode across the room

you were as dashing as ever;

dressed in blue and orange

a quarter of your face dressed in feathers,

my heart raced as you came closer and closer

I squeezed my eyes and waited for you to ask me

“May I have this dance with you?”

But…

…you chose the woman right next to me

who was showing more skin than a jogger

on a hot summer day

 

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Tunnel

I came across this tunnel one day, it had a grand entrance and a sign in the front. The sign read:

Enter, for this is the journey that you were destined to face ever since you stepped foot on this Earth.

Rules –

1) You are not allowed to turn back

2) You must never stop walking forwards

When walking through this tunnel, I’ve noticed a few peculiar things. For starters, this was one really big tunnel that seemed to have no end. This tunnel was sometimes made of bricks, and other times, it was glass. The bricks didn’t dare let any light in, and the glass would let the light in. Simple enough, right?

At first, there was a good mixture of bricks and glass, there was enough light, and there was enough darkness. At one point though, there was no light at all, just the dark tunnel. Sometimes, I would hear sounds of bugs running along the walls, sometimes there was this unbearable silence where not even my own heartbeat could make a sound. At one point I even swore that I heard some foot steps behind me, but I couldn’t see a trace of movement. I could feel a shiver crawl up my spine at the thought of this never ending darkness … or was it something that was crawling on me?

Eventually, I saw a shimmer of light up ahead. I couldn’t help but feel my blood start to boil at the thought of just seeing the light once again. Maybe I would be able to enjoy the scenery as I waltz through the light for the first time in ages. My legs moved on their own as I practically fly over to the light that kept growing closer and closer by the moment. As I approached, the light began to sting up my neck and down to my heels. When I got to the light, I prayed to be able to return to the dreaded darkness that was not too far behind. As I turned back to look for an exit, I was faced with the same blinding light that greeted me not too long ago.

I was forced to move forwards, through the endless sea of light. I could feel my sweat cling to my clothing and I can almost smell my skin burning. I wanted to run, but my legs were growing weak from being in the heat for far too long. I wanted to collapse on the floor, only to be scorched by the glass floor. So I kept moving onwards through a hall of glass. At this point, I prayed for darkness as much as I once prayed for light. I swore that once I returned to darkness, I would savor all of its moments and try to enjoy myself more often.

Clouded

My anger builds up

Even if I try to cool it down

“The more you reject something, the more you begin to yearn for it”

I can’t think straight anymore

the only thing that comes to mind

would be the very thoughts that I normally stash away

destroy, harm, bully

make them understand all the pain you’ve been through

soon the rain falls from the dark clouds

the rain cleared up my hazy thoughts

 

except the rain was red

and left a stain on my dress

Locked Away

How can I control myself?

Knowing that one day I might snap

I might hurt someone I love dear

Or hurt me instead

I shove all my feelings down

I lock them all away

Knowing someday that I might thank myself

Not for choosing to get rid of what makes us human

But for wearing a mask that makes me likable

so that I would never suffer the pain

of losing someone I love

(never again)

Blind

I wish I was blind

I wish I couldn’t see

I don’t want to be able to figure things out

who likes who

what they’ve been gossiping about

when someone hates me

I wish I was blind

I wish I couldn’t draw those connections

Ignorance is a blessing

I wish I was still pure

Even if I pretend not to notice

the truth is still there

I keep acting the way I do

because if I change

they might know about my curse

I wish I was blind

I wish I couldn’t draw those connections

I wish I was blind

Songs

So many words

so many notes

too many sounds

so many meanings

that can fit into this one song

the high notes

the low notes

what do they represent?

hope or despair

hate or love

vengeance or remembrance

or nothing at all

a song can be many things

or nothing at all

I’m Over It

“The deeper and darker the despair, the bigger and brighter the hope will shine.”

~Komaeda Nagito (Danganronpa)

I cried for days…

…months…

…almost a year…

I was sad that everything came to a halt

And I was the very reason

it turned out to be this way

 

I wanted to die

Everything was perfect

But then it all crashed

Just because I couldn’t bite my tongue

it turned out to be this way

 

It was all my fault

but now I’m over it

I can finally accept this harsh reality

Everything we had…

…gone…

…and it was all my fault

it turned out this way

 

The past is in the past

I want it to stay that way

I’m done with crying

For crying never fixes anything

I’m the reason

it turned out this way

and I’m proud of it

 

“You can’t have hope without despair, and you can’t have despair without hope.”

~My Preacher

But Why Me?

As I look at those who I aspire to be

I see that they all go to parties

They all go to parks

They are all going to the places

But not with me

 

As I hang out with these people

they talk to me

agree with me

and even use me as an example

“But why would you go this far for just a simple low life like me?”

“Because you are awesome”

 

Even though I don’t see it

Even though I don’t recognize it

You don’t have to do to parties

You don’t have to go to parks

You don’t have to go places

just to be called awesome

Bully

What is a bully?

Is it that kid in school

who simply didn’t like your clothes

Is it that kid online

who didn’t like what you wrote

Is it that teacher

who picks on you just because

Is it your parents

who never liked your ideas

Is it yourself

who curses at your stupidity

Is it even alive

for the weather tends to bully us sometimes

Who ever the bully is to you

eventually the harassment gets to you

“We’re your family, we’re allowed to tease you”

“Can’t you take a joke?”

“We were just having a little bit of fun”

bullying comes in all shapes and in all sizes

why can’t we just try to see that

Sent Away

after showing me what I wanted to see

I was then banished

they said they would come and save me

they would free me from my terrible fate

so I waited

as I waited, I realized

if anyone is going to save me…

…I needed to save myself

nobody will stand up and try to save me

they would only try to send me away again